Funny Easter Quotes and Jokes

Nothing like funny Easter quotes and jokes to raise your spirit from the doldrums. Easter humor about Lent, Palm Sunday, Clothes, Eggs, Chocolate Rabbits, Jesus, and more. Salvation! Your prayers for a comical Easter are answered.

Funny Easter Quotes
Group 1: "Lent"

Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.
- Melanie White

I gave up lots of stuff for Lent. I lent my neighbor my mower, I lent my son my tuxedo, and I lent my daughter my car.
- Anonymous

I wanted to give up my children for Lent, but nobody would take them.
- Melanie White

I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus.
- Barbara Smaller

Lent is when the vegetarians try to convert the Catholics.
- Melanie White

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
- Garrison Keillor

Funny Easter Quotes
And Sayings, Group 2

My father was so cheap. Every Easter we’d wear the same clothes, but he’d take us to a different church.
- AJ Jamal

A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, “When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off.”
- Jon Stewart

2,000 years ago Jesus was crucified. Three days later he walks out of a cave. And now they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow peeps, and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
- Billy Crystal

That first Easter must have been awkward, because you know the apostles had already divided up Jesus' stuff.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

The only reason I still participate in Easter is that my family eggs me on.
- Melanie White

Easter tastes better than Halloween, and you don't have to ring a lot of doorbells.
- Billy

I was fairly traumatized the first time my parents gave me a hollow chocolate bunny for Easter. I was 27, but still.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

If it weren’t for capital punishment we wouldn’t have Easter.
- Bill Hicks

Funny Easter Jokes:
The Meaning of Easter

A Sunday school teacher was asking her six-year-olds about the meaning of Easter. “Children,” she said, “Do you know why we celebrate Easter?”

A little girl raised her hand.

“Yes Jenny,” said the teacher.

Jenny said, “ Is Easter when we put on costumes and go trick-or-treating?”

“No, Jenny. That’s Halloween. Does any one else know?”

A little boy yelled, “It’s when we set off fireworks!”

“No Jimmy, that’s Independence Day. Anybody else?”

A shy little girl in the back said, “Easter is when Jesus died.”

The teacher replied, “That’s right, Shauna. And what happened to Jesus that makes Easter special?”

“Well, he died and got buried. And every Easter he comes out. And if he sees his shadow there’s 6 more weeks of winter.”

Funny Easter Quotes:
Palm Sunday Joke

One Palm Sunday, little Johnny was sick and stayed home from church. When his brothers and sisters came home carrying palm branches, Johnny asked where the palms came from.

His father replied, “When Jesus walked by, people held palm branches over his head.”

"Just my luck!" Johnny said. "The one time I don’t go to church, Jesus shows up.”

Funny Easter Quotes
Group 3

Forget the Easter bunny. I need one that can do me some good – like the Energizer bunny.
- Melanie White

Easter combines the best of the present with the traditions of the past – like Cadbury cream eggs with hunting and gathering.
- Melanie White

Easter: time to throw caution to the wind and put all your eggs in one basket.
- Melanie White

Easter shopping tip: When buying your daughter that frilly new Easter dress, try to visualize how it’ll look with chocolate and grass stains all over it.
- Melanie White

I’m all for Easter seals – as long as they don’t bark and beg for fish.
- Melanie White

Easter: Hide & Seek with eggs.
- Melanie White

When you’re grown up you realize that it’s not the number of Easter eggs you find that’s important, but how many are dark chocolate.
- Melanie White

Easter is a time for dressing up, looking your best, and hunting for candy. It’s Halloween in reverse.
- Melanie White

Easter may not take the cake, but it does take all the cake coloring.
- Melanie White

Funny Easter Quotes
Group 4: Tweets

All excited for Easter. The cross is up and completely decorated.
- Albert Brooks ‏@AlbertBrooks

This year, teach your kids the true meaning of Easter by trapping them in a stone tomb for three days.
- Bridger Winegar ‏@bridger_w

I want to be as historically accurate as possible. Does anyone know exactly what time Jesus handed out all the chocolate Easter eggs?
- Aristotles ‏@AristotlesNZ

Found about 1,000 eggs already. Trying to explain to this cop it's not my fault if Whole Foods did a bad job hiding them.
- Guy Endore-Kaiser ‏@GuyEndoreKaiser  

I can't believe it's already Easter. It seems like just yesterday it wasn't Easter.
- Bridger Winegar ‏@bridger_w

The deeply religious meaning of Easter is not lost on me but can I just say that I totally love spiral cut ham, you guys.
- prontopup ‏@prontopup

Hoping my Easter guests will help me take down the tree.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

Make the Easter eggs extra hard to find by putting them inside your kids' shoes that they can never find when it's time to go somewhere.
- John Lyon ‏@JohnLyonTweets

Holiday family dinners are complicated enough without introducing a "spiral-cut" ham into the mix.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

I Know What You Did Last Supper
- Randi Lawson ‏@RandiLawson

Having trouble selling my Lent calendars where every day you open a new square and it's empty.
- David Acer ‏@David_Acer

Easter Jokes:
Mistaken Identity

One Easter morning, a farmer's wife boiled some eggs, colored them, and hid them in the barn for her kids.

A little while later the rooster found them. Not knowing anything about Easter, he beat up the peacock.

ShareFacebookTwitterPinterestTumblrRedditWhatsAppMessenger

Go back from "Funny Easter Quotes" to "Anniversary Jokes"

Or go back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"