Funny Quotes And Sayings: Work

These funny quotes and sayings about work, jobs, and bosses will free your mind from the grind. Grab a cup of coffee, relax, let these humorous quotations and funny sayings go to work...on your psyche. Your spirit will get a big raise.

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
- Lane Kirkland

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
- Groucho Marx

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
- Huey P. Long

A consultant is a man who knows 157 ways to make love, but doesn’t know any women.
- Anonymous

Reheating leftover fish in the office microwave should be a fireable offense.
- Anonymous

Funny Work Sayings,
Group 2

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment.
- Robert Benchley

Guys with neck tattoos love asking "Are ya'll hirin?"
- Rock ‏@TheMichaelRock

I do my job in a very professional manner. I take money for it every chance I get.
- Melanie White

The Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
- James Thurber

It’s true that hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
- Ronald Reagan

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb

Funny Quotes And Sayings:
"Work" Group 3

Personally, I have nothing against work, particularly when performed, quietly and unobtrusively, by someone else.
- Barbara Ehrenreich

Being a couch potato is not the same as being a failure. Being a failure implies that you were actually trying to do something.
- Anonymous

Wheaties: the breakfast of champions and the dinner of the unemployed.
- Ruminations.com

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
- Jerome K. Jerome

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

No one's dream job involves a kiosk.
- Damien Fahey

Funny Quotes And Sayings:
"Work" Group 4

Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
- Don Herold

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
- Bertrand Russell

On applications, where it asks if you’ve ever committed a felony, I like to write in, “Is lying on an application a felony?” 
- Guy Endore-Kaiser

Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking about their work.
- Lemony Snicket

When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him whose?
- Don Marquis

Serious talk around the office of replacing me with a deli tray.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

Funny Quotes And Sayings:
"Work" Group 5

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
- Helen Rowland

I truly believe the wireless mouse was invented so people at work had one less thing to hang themselves with.
- Mike Vanatta

You should never protest outside a rich guy’s home during the day because he’s not there. He’s at work grinding the faces of the poor.
- Craig Ferguson

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
- Jay London

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
- Lily Tomlin

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life:
Number 1: Cover for me.
Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss!
Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
- Homer Simpson

Funny Quotes And Sayings:
"Work" Group 6

I do not like work even when someone else does it.
- Mark Twain

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I’m being held.
- Randy Glasbergen

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
- Ogden Nash

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
- Scott Adams (Dilbert)

A well-educated friend of mine with three advanced degrees can say “I’m unemployed” in six languages.
- Unknown Author

ShareFacebookXPinterestTumblrRedditWhatsAppMessenger

Did those work for you?  Good.  Here are some similar pages:

Boss Jokes

The Dilbert Website

or Return from "Funny Quotes and Sayings About Work" to "Cool Quotes: Work, Success, etc."

or Return to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"