60th Birthday Jokes

Welcome to the 60's! Free love and other groovy stuff. Oh wait... that was those other sixties. Bummer, Dude. Well, these 60th birthday jokes, humor quotes and more funny stuff are the next best thing to a big hit of... peace!

60th Birthday One-liners
Group 1

At 60 years old, your birthday suit requires regular ironing.

We put 60 candles on your cake, but by the time we got the last one lit, the first twenty had already burned out.

At 60, people call you “spry” and you’re not offended.

Congrats, you’re 60!  Time to start yelling at the television.

One good thing about being 60: when you can’t find your eyeglasses, they’re almost always on your forehead.

At 60, fortune tellers read your face instead of your palm.

Funny Stuff:
Turning 60, Group 2

Turning 60 means:

Your favorite station on cable is the Weather Channel.

You shop at Target and Walmart for the great clothes.

The old spark takes a little more blowing to get going.

You know your way around but you don’t want to go anywhere.

Your wife suggests you pull in your stomach and you get a hernia doing it.

You're not only interested in automobile airbags, you've become one.

The candles on your cake set off the sprinkler system.

You still miss your high school car, but you can’t remember your classmates.

No More Tank Tops. It's a rule.

Your pants creep upward as you get older. By 60 you’re a pair of pants with a head.

You can still chase women, but only downhill.

When someone leaves a sexy lipstick message on your mirror, your first reaction is you wonder how to clean it off.

60th Birthday Jokes:
Turning 60, Group 3

Turning 60 means:

Your favorite classic rock is now elevator music.

You wonder why the TV remote isn’t working, then realize it’s a cordless phone.

At the gym, you mostly do squats because of how they help you in the bathroom.

When classic movies come on, your comments are: “She’s dead. He’s dead. They’re all dead.”

Your childhood toys sell for a fortune on eBay.

The quantity of gold in your mouth would make a decent retirement plan.

Not wearing a bra tugs the wrinkles right out of your face.

Your parties never even wake up the dog, let alone the neighbors.

Sucking in your gut can blow the hair right off the top of your head.

When you relax on a park bench, boy scouts offer to help you cross your legs.

60th Birthday Jokes:
Humor Quotes, Group 4

Age 60 is when it takes a man all night to do what he used to do all night.
- Anonymous

By the time you reach 60, lots of body parts are larger than they used to be. Especially your tattoos.
- Greg Tamblyn

Just saw this headline: "Godzilla turns 60." Life was pretty good before I knew I was OLDER THAN GODZILLA.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

It took me awhile, but I’m finally a 60-year-old senior. I wonder how much longer till graduation?
- Melanie White

At 60, two of the most important things in life are bowel movements and hair in weird places.
- Greg Tamblyn

60th birthday thrills: more pills, more chills, more bills.
- Greg Tamblyn

One starts to get young at the age sixty and then it is too late.
- Pablo Picasso

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
- T. S. Eliot

This Might Just Save Your Party...

60th Birthday Jokes:
Humor Quotes, Group 5

When you’re 60 you start bragging about your age. How else are you going to get your senior discounts?
- Melanie White

At 60, “chasing girls” refers almost exclusively to granddaughters.
- Greg Tamblyn

When you’re 60 you start bragging about your age. How else are you going to get your senior discounts?
- Melanie White

Turning 60? Look on the bright side: you’re still younger than Mick Jagger.
- Greg Tamblyn

Turning 60 has nothing to do with performance – just the speed of performance.
- Melanie White

60th Birthday Jokes
Humor Quotes, Group 6

Now that I’m 60, I wouldn’t want to be a teenager again. But I wouldn’t mind looking like one.
- Melanie White

Congrats - you’re 60! If you acted your age, you’d be schizophrenic.
- Melanie White

I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young.
- Herbert Beerbohm Tree

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?
- Paul McCartney

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