Cute life quotes about the big adventure between birth and death. It feels like a marathon, and winds up being a little dash between the two dates on your tombstone. Funny quotations and short clean jokes to help you stockpile some smiles and laugh while you're here.
Life
is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute - only the last
couple seconds are fatal, but most people are scared to death the whole
way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
- Ogden Nash
Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
I want to learn to live in the moment … just not this moment. Some other moment. Like a moment on the beach.
- Betsy Streeter
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
- Quentin Crisp
No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
- Sholem Aleichem
Life does come with a set of instructions. Unfortunately, they're from IKEA.
- Glass Half Empty @GlassHalfEmpty_
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
- Joseph Heller, Catch 22
Life is an extraordinary adventure. If only it would start already.
- Larry Carlat
Short Clean Jokes: "Life" Group 3
I just want to live happily ever after, every now and then.
- Jimmy Buffett
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
- Dave Barry
If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.
- Bill Watterson
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
- Robert Orben
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
- Zora Neale Hurston
When people ask my age I love telling them, "I'm as old as God and as young as this instant!"
- Rev. Joyce Fisher Pierce
Life is the greatest bargain; we get it for nothing.
- Yiddish Proverb
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
- Bill Watterson
Any day on this side of the flower bed is a good day.
- Maxine (Crabby Road by Hallmark)
If
life knocks you down seven times, stay down, for God’s sake! Life is
obviously trying to tell you something. Take a hint. Go see what’s on
TV.
- Ira Bloom
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
- Charles M. Schulz
One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night.
- Margaret Mead
When everything in life seems uncertain, take comfort in knowing gravity works every time.
- Betsy Streeter
Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what happens next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
- Stephen Colbert
“You only live once” is also an equally compelling reason NOT to do something.
- Ruminations.com
If
you're alive, you got to flap your arms and legs, you got to jump
around a lot, you got to make a lot of noise, because life is the very
opposite of death. And therefore, as I see it, if you're quiet, you're
not living.
- Mel Brooks
Sliding down the banister of life can be fun, as long as the splinters are pointed the other way.
- Anonymous
To be happy in life, you must be able to take a joke. And if you can leave a few, that's even better.
- Swami Beyondananda (Steve Bhaerman)
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
When you climb life’s ladder, make sure you placed it on the right wall.
- Unknown Author
Life’s a dance, but the band takes a lot of breaks.
- Greg Tamblyn
Perhaps no mightier conflict of mind occurs ever again in a lifetime than that first decision to unseat one's own tooth.
- Gene Fowler
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers
Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
- Scott Adams
Live each day like it's your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.
- Jason Love @jasonlovetwit
All of life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Things have become awfully complex ... no wonder so many people are suffering from complexes!
- Swami Beyondananda (Steve Bhaerman)
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.
- Danny Kaye
In
the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which
relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
- Bill Vaughan
If I got to spend my life sleeping as much as my cat, I’d purr too.
- Melanie White
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