Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Funny 50th Birthday Quotes for a comical quota of 50s reality. (Reality is a place that requires humor.) These hilarious birthday jokes will kick you into the fifties with a laugh, so you can kick up your heels, high or not.

50th Birthday Humor
Quotes, Group 1

Happy 50th - the years look good on you!
But then, I don’t see as well as I used to.
- Melanie White

Turning 50 means it's only a matter of time before you're regaling your grandkids with tales of your first colonoscopy.
- Greg Tamblyn

Fifty is a weird age. I can clearly remember my childhood, but I can’t remember where I put my keys.
- Melanie White

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
- Dave Barry

Funny 50th Birthday
Quotes, Group 2

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
- Helen Hayes

I’m 50, and the only thing getting thinner is my skin.
- Melanie White

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

There is a direct relationship between age and the amount of noise you make when getting up....If you sit too long, everything solidifies.
- Janet Periat

My 50th birthday wish: that I had as much silver in my safe as I have in my hair.
- Melanie White

In your 20s: Looking for your perfect match.
In your 50s: Just happy if your socks match.
- East of Sweden ‏@mybigblondelife

Sex in your 50s is mostly just remembering what it is you did last time that threw your back out.
- Thrill Tweeter ‏@Thrill_Tweeter

Here I am, approaching 50 years old, with two daughters that refuse to stay 10-years-old no matter how many times I ask them.
- Joe Posnanski

Funny 50th Birthday
Quotes, Group 3

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
- Franklin Pierce Adams

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.
- Kin Hubbard

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
- Joey Adams

There’s nothing stressful about turning 50 – except people reminding you about it.
- Melanie White

When I turn 50, instead of lying about my age and putting it back 10 years, I'll put it forward 10 years so I can freely talk about my bowel movements.
- Thrill Tweeter ‏@Thrill_Tweeter

Hilarious Birthday
Quotes, Group 4

Fifty and time to face the facial truth. You’ve got wrinkle cream defeated.
- Melanie White

When you’re 50 and wake up without any aches and pains, you know it’s going to be a good day.
- Melanie White

Why is it when you’re 50 that you seem to forget everything except how old you are?
- Melanie White

The longer you meditate about being 50, the more likely you are to fall asleep.
- Melanie White

When you’re 50, you know you’re in great shape if you still have one.
- Melanie White

Funny 50th Birthday
Quotes, Group 5

You're never too old to become younger.
- Mae West

Now that I’m 50, people try to be polite, and instead of calling me old, they say I’m mature. Obviously they don’t know me very well.
- Melanie White

Do you remember when 50 seemed old?
Good, your memory still works.
- Melanie White

When you’re 50, every time you look in the mirror you think it must be April Fools Day.
- Melanie White

Don’t call them age spots; they’re big freckles.
- Melanie White

A man shouldn’t fool with booze until he’s fifty. Then he’s a damn fool if he doesn’t.
- William Faulkner

At 50, I think it’d be a lot easier to relax if I didn’t have to work another 15 years.
- Melanie White

50 is a walk in the park – and if I retired now that’s about all I could afford.
- Melanie White

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