Celebrate with humor! Funny birthday wishes, because laughter is the gift that keeps you in the present. Funny quotations for a comical day. Catch some mirth. Honor your birth. For all it's worth!

Birthdays, Group 1

Happy Birthday! And don’t worry. Being another day older really only matters if you’re a piece of fruit.

Birthday Question: How old do you have to be before you can start blurting out your ailments to complete strangers?

They say only the good die young. I guess that means we’ll be around forever!

Funny Birthday Wishes
Group 2

During a typical lifetime, people spend:
    2 years waiting at stop lights
    3 years on the phone with tech support
    5 years in the bathroom
So a few extra days waiting for your birthday present is nothing!

Einstein said that not everything that can be counted counts.
And not everything that counts can be counted.
So stop counting and have a great birthday.
Age is relative!
(I think he said that, too.)

If you wind up in jail after your birthday, here’s how you can tell who your friends are:
    Your good friends will visit you.
    Your great friends will come up with bail money.
    Me? I’ll be in the lower bunk.

Birthdays are when you find out who your friends are.
Good news: Everybody I talked to was willing to chip in on this card.

Funny Quotations:
Birthdays, Group 3

Happy Birthday! So how old are you now?
(I‘m talking about the parts you were born with.)

Somebody told me you were hard to buy a present for.
But heck, I know where the dollar store is.

On your birthday, resist the temptation to indulge in magical thinking.
Buying a size 4 swimsuit will not make you thinner.

The most important rule for getting a birthday tattoo:
if you want to show it to people, put it someplace where you won’t have to take off your pants.

Funny Quotations:
Birthdays, Group 4

Close your eyes, make a wish, and if you wait long enough, you’ll get exactly what you want: all the kids out of the house.
- Melanie White

Of course I believe in miracles.
I remembered your birthday, didn’t I?
- Melanie White

If all grandmas looked as good as you, nobody would care if they baked cookies.
- Melanie White

We don’t let Grandpa blow out his candles anymore, ever since that time his dentures wound up in the cake.
- Greg Tamblyn

Funny Birthday Wishes:
Group 5

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
- Anonymous

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
- Jim Fiebig

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
- Franklin Pierce Adams

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents ... and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

You know you’ve had a great party when you wake up wondering:

    Whose yard is this?
    How did I get these tattoos?
    Where are my clothes?

Hallmark has birthday cards out already, and it's not anywhere near my birthday.
- Kent Graham @KentWGraham

Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up.
- Tom Stoppard

Funny Birthday Wishes:
Group 6

Have you ever noticed that party hats look just like dunce caps?
- Melanie White

My kinds love birthday parties. They’d probably love funerals too if they served cake and ice cream.
- Melanie White

My favorite part of my birthday is just after I blow out the candles and yell, “Let them eat cake.”
- Melanie White

You know what lights up my life? All the candles on my birthday cake.
- Melanie White

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Funny Birthday Jokes

Hilarious Birthday Jokes

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Funny Birthday Card Sayings

Funny Happy Birthday Wishes

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