Top 30 Funny Dating Quotes

Funny Dating Quotes to get you in the mood for a hot dude. Or dudess. These will put you in the right frame for the night game. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac.

Dating Quotes
Group 1

I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen

What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is there aren’t many job interviews where you’ll wind up naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
- Susan Healy

I dated a hypnotist once. She was the hottest, smartest, skinniest, funniest, kindest, most glamorous and sophisticated woman I’ve ever met.
- Kent Graham @KentWGraham

Funny Dating Quotes
Group 2

On a date I wonder if there’s going to be any sex. And if I’m going to be involved.
- Garry Shandling

I went on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
- Sarah Silverman

I went out to dinner with a Marine. He looked at me and said, “I could kill you in seven seconds.” I go, “I’ll just have toast then.”
- Margaret Smith

I asked this one girl out and she said, “You got a friend?” I said yes. She said, “Then go out with him.”
- Don Irreva

Funny Dating Quotes
Group 3

My father always said, “Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.” So on our first date I’d nag the guy for a new dishwasher.
- Kris McGaha

I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave.
- Alex Reed

I know a guy who breaks up with women all the time. He calls it “going home in the morning.”
- (Unknown Author)

I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window...
- MF FairyPrincessSmoo ‏@Smooheed

You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance.
- Angie Davis ‏@Adar79Angie

Funny Dating Quotes
Group 4

The best part about speed dating is having 8-10 new guys to drink with, and none of them are keeping track of how many drinks you've had.
- Miss Moneypenny ‏@MoneypennyNaked

My boyfriend does this cute thing where he files for a restraining order.
- Eden Dranger ‏@Eden_Eats

Date: [looking at menu] Want to share anything?
Me: Oh. I made out with your brother once....God that feels good to get off my chest. You?
- Amanda Hugnkiss ‏@caliluvgirl77

Guy: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.
Girl: You just want to have sex with me.
Guy: Wow, you’re smart too, I like that.
- Your Mom ‏@HorribleDancer

My girlfriend said I was too controlling, and it wasn't her turn to speak.
- C'est la vie ‏@Robert_Beau

Funny Dating Song:
"Common Side Effects Include"

Award-Winning Comedy Song about dating and relationships.

Listen Here For Free

(Opens in new window, at my entertainment site. - Greg)

Enjoy!

Funny Dating Quotes
Group 5

An online dating site for really old people called Carbon Dating.
- Kelkulus ‏@kelkulus

Hi mom and dad, meet my new boyfriend, Netflix
- Swishergirl @Swishergirl24

[determined not to have any awkward silence during date]
"So, what's your favorite part of a banana?"
- Brent ‏@murrman5

Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
- Kevin O'Neill ‏@KevinBuffalo

I just cancelled a date for tonight & told the dude I was sprayed by a skunk. Who would make that up? Me. I would make that up.
- Kate ‏@Juststopkate

Dating is where you pretend you’re someone you’re not to impress someone you don’t know.
- Melanie White

I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Dating Quotes
Group 6

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams

Kissing is our greatest invention. On the list of great inventions, it ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer; higher, even, than room service.
- Tom Robbins

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman

The main lesson I took from Lady and the Tramp is that dating below your station might result in someone who can get you free spaghetti.
- MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0

One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think "That's her, she's the one."
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats

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