Funny Quotes On Life

Funny quotes on life, living, and the pursuit of hilarious. As Mark Twain said, "I have known a great many troubles in my life, most of which never happened." Peruse these at your pleasure, and find the funny side of existence.

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Funny Sayings About
Life, Group 1

Make a “bucket list” of all the undertakings you wish to undertake before being overtaken by the undertaker.
- Swami Beyondananda (Steve Bhaerman)

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
- Bill Watterson

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
- Joseph Heller, “Catch-22”

If you’re feeling down about your life, just call a starving African kid and explain fabric softener to him.
- Guy Endore-Kaiser

Your life is a mystery story in which you are the butler.
- Mary Wardrop

Life is full of endless pissibility.
- Anonymous

Funny Quotes On Life
Group 2

The great blessing of youth is you don't have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee.
- Greg Tamblyn

I can live for two months on one good compliment.
- Mark Twain

God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
- Bill Maher

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard

It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
- W.C. Fields

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
- Fran Liebowitz

Funny Quotes On Life
Group 3

Sometimes I wonder if my life would be different if I was good at sports or a giant spider.
- Bridger Winegar

When asked "If you could meet any famous person living or dead," I always ask whether the dead person would be alive again when I meet them.
- Ashish Chauhan

Remember, life isn't about accumulating stuff. It's about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.
- Darsh Dhoble

Life has gone from charging ahead to waiting for stuff to recharge.
- Greg Tamblyn

Life just keeps reminding me that I have no idea what I'm doing.
- Kat McSnatch ‏@KatMcSnatch

There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.
-George Santayana

This Might Just Save Your Party...

Funny Quotes On Life
Group 4

We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet.
- Stephen Hawking

Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came.
- Peter De Vries

Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.
- Frank Zappa

Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
- Julius Sharpe ‏@juliussharpe

Nowadays most men lead lives of noisy desperation.
- James Thurber

George Carlin on the Life Cycle

Funny Quotes On Life
Group 5

Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.
- Charles M. Schulz

Life is a belly dance on a trampoline aboard the deck of a ship in a storm at sea.
- Greg Tamblyn

Adventure is nothing but a romantic name for trouble.
- Louis L'Amour

What a wonderful life I’ve had. I only wish I’d realized it sooner.
- Colette

Life is a party: you join after its started and you leave before its finished.
- Elsa Maxwell

Life is far too important a thing to ever talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde

Funny Quotes On Life
Group 6

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
- Jack Handey

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
- Isaac Asimov

Life is the song of a mockingbird and the purring of a cat. But sometimes the cat eats the mockingbird. And sometimes the mockingbird poops on the cat.
- Greg Tamblyn

Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
- Samuel Butler

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
- Mark Twain

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