Funny Quotes Or Sayings: Technology

These funny quotes or sayings will un-strain your brain and de-stress your mess from trying to tweet, text, email, upload and download all at the same time. Hilarious stuff about technology - if you just relax. Come on, you can do it! Shut it all down for awhile and have some laughs. You deserve it.

Technology Quotes, Group 1

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
- Andy Borowitz

I'd rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook.
- Craig Coelho

“User” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean “idiot.”
- Dave Barry

What did people do when they went to the bathroom before smartphones?
- Aaron Cobra Mervis ‏@FeelingMervis

Each time I shut my computer down, I throw my head back in maniacal laughter and scream "Fool! I was only using you!"
- Bridger Winegar

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips

Funny Quotes or Sayings:
"Technology" Group 2

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
- Paul Ehrlich

Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It’s perfect for the person who wants a car that crashes every ten minutes.
- Conan O’Brien

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
- Andy Borowitz

The population of earth has reached 8 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called “LinkedIn.”
- Dave Barry

Many who use text messages and email have forgotten the grammar rules of capitalization. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a mule and helping your uncle jack off a mule.
- Unknown Author

When Jesus comes back he'll probably come back as an app.
- Andy Borowitz

Funny Quotes or Sayings:
"Technology" Group 3

The New Rapper Zapper App: remote control that instantly short circuits anything operating way too loud: hip hop from giant speakers in cars, cell phones of clueless idiots with booming voices, and all Harley Davidson motorcycles.
- Greg Tamblyn

What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
- Dave Barry

I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise. I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu.
- Unknown Author

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & de-friend people one by one.
- Andy Borowitz

My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone.
- Damien Fahey

If someone operates an automobile while talking on the phone and performing two other unnecessary tasks, it should be legal to shoot them.
- John Walsh

Funny Quotes or Sayings:
"Technology" Group 4

My brother doesn’t have to give parental advice to his kid any more. His kid’s phone has an app for that.

Our society will never go entirely paperless. There’s always the bathroom.

Technology has really changed parenting. There’s a whole generation of kids whose only childhood memory of their dad will be his bald spot bent over a Blackberry.
- Kate Deimling

My computer could be more encouraging. You know, instead of "invalid password", why not something like, "Ooooh, you're so close!"?
- Lisa Porter

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
- Sid Caesar

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
- Lily Tomlin

If Facebook really wanted to make changes that would improve our experience, they'd get rid of Facebook.
- Andy Borowitz

Funny Song About Technology

"Analog Brain In A Digital World"

Listen for free here.

Funny Quotes or Sayings:
"Technology" Group 5

In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.
- Peter Sagal, NPR, “Wait Wait...Don’t Tell Me!”

Google is really powerful. Type in the question “Is there a God?” and it tells you, “THERE IS NOW.”
- Greg Tamblyn

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
- Andy Borowitz

Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"
- Andy Borowitz

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
- Andy Borowitz

All I have to do to empty shopping carts online is click a button. It's way easier than the grocery store, where I have to knock them over.
- Bridger Winegar

Very Funny Jokes:
"Technology" Group 6

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
- Andy Borowitz

I don't even know what "Java" is, but I let it do whatever it wants to my computer. I feel like a slut.
- Dave Barry

The last time there was this much excitement about a tablet, it had some commandments written on it.
- The Wall St. Journal, on the unveiling of Apple’s iPad

My mom actually believes I'm dating a girl named Siri.
- Kelkulus @Kelkulus

To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.
- Dave Barry

My daughter is way more excited about the iPhone upgrade than she was about -- for example -- her own birth.
- Dave Barry ‏@rayadverb

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
- Dave Barry

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