Funny Success Quotes for all us working folks with or without "Type A-Ness." (Say that fast - it's funny.) Free your brain from the strain, and climb up the laughter ladder. It's way more fun.

Funny Success Quotes
Group 1

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
- William Lyon Phelps

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
- Mitch Hedberg

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
- Fran Lebowitz

I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Funny Success Quotes
Group 2

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
- David Brent

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams


There is no point at which you can say, 'Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap.”
- Carrie Fisher

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
- Quentin Crisp

Once you are dead, you are made for life.
- Jimi Hendrix

In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if they don't have the first, the other two will kill you.
- Warren Buffett

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher. Or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
- Douglas Adams

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success, wrong by wrong.
- Mae West

Humor Quotes: Success
Group 3

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
- Sam Levenson

Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for any one who wishes to become acquainted with our most prominent and influential people.
- George Ade

Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
- George Ade

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.
- Richard Jeni

"Life gave me lemons." - Super-successful lemon farmer
- prontopup ‏@prontopup

The biggest sin is sitting on your ass.
- Florynce Kennedy

Funny Quotations: Success
Group 4

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
- Mark Twain

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
- Will Rogers

No one has ever drowned in sweat.
- Lou Holtz

If you want to get somewhere in life, you need to know three things: where you came from, where you’re going, and where your wife left the car keys.
- Raymond Lesser

Buying a slurpee from the captain of my high school football team about five years after graduation was one of my life’s highlights.
- Ruminations.com

Northwestern’s alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, Presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that’s just me!
- Stephen Colbert

Funny Sayings: Success
Group 5

What is success?  It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins.

Before you reach the top of the ladder, make sure it’s leaning against the right wall.

Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Nothing is more humiliating than to see idiots succeed in enterprises we have failed in.
- Gustave Flaubert

In this business you either sink or swim or you don't. 
- David Smith

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
- A. H. Weiler

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
- Jay London

Funny Success Quotes
Group 6

Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'
- Joey Adams

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
- Voltaire

Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- John Benfield

I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
- Woody Allen

People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
- Anatole France

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
- Al Capone

Funny Success Quotes
Group 7

An actor’s success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
- Fred Allen

The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.
- Nancy Astor

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
- Kin Hubbard

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
- Douglas Adams

The here and now is all we have, and if we play it right it's all we'll need.
- Ann Richards

Success is a poison that should only be taken late in life and then only in small doses.
- Anthony Trollope

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