Funny Tombstone Sayings

These funny tombstone sayings
Could make you die from laughter.
Hilarious stuff to take along
To friends in the hereafter.

But if you read ‘em slowly,
All these headstone jokes
And funny tombstone humor
Should not cause you to croak.

(In fact, this tombstone humor should keep you alive and alert!
For today, anyway.)

Tombstone Humor
Group 1

My mother-in-law’s chicken soup really IS “to die for”

I’m finally thin….maybe a little too thin.

I was so loaded I didn’t know it was loaded.

This is NOT what I had in mind when I said,
“Over my dead body!”

I guess you could say I’ve found my niche.

You should see the other guy.

Tombstone Humor
Group 2

Wait! I Wanted A Tomb with a View!

Does my butt look big in this coffin?

My new healthcare deductible was too high.

OMG! Where am I?

He always said he was dead tired.

Come back at midnight. We’ll talk.

Tombstone Humor
Group 3

Dude, that really WAS a killer wave!

Here lies Fred the dentist... in the biggest cavity he has ever filled.

My doctor finally did something that stopped the pain,
But the side effects are murder!

You paid how much to bury me HERE?

Finally! A real vacation!

I was here.
Now I'm gone.
Party on!

Tombstone Humor
Group 4

I’ll be right up.

This can’t be Heaven -
my Ex is here!!

Why did I have to die before being able to relax?

You can stop clapping now.

The shop said the brakes were fixed right this time.

Jerry Pittman has transitioned.
The Universe is no longer big enough to contain him.
He’s gone Supernova.

Funny Tombstone Sayings
Group 5

Can I Take This Headstone Off My Taxes?

Brian, are you mad that I died first?

OK, Joke’s over. Let me out now!

The GPS is NOT always right, sweetheart.

The ladder was too high.

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Funny Tombstone Sayings
Group 6

Waiting in the iCloud for next download

To get Mike Clark’s info,
Login to this headstone
With your username and password

Hey! That’s not my name!
I’m in the wrong grave!

So there I was,
On my way to work,
Texting my boss,
And BAM, out of nowhere,
Some idiot hit my Beemer.

Famous Tombstone Humor
Group 7

- Ted Turner:
I know what I'm having 'em put on my tombstone: "I have nothing more to say."

- Peter Ustinov, when asked what he wanted on his tombstone:
“Please keep off the grass."

- W.C. Fields, when asked how his gravestone should read:
"Better here than Philadelphia."

- William Shatner:
I'm not going to have a tombstone. I'm going to be tossed in the air. Ashes, tossed like a salad.

- Leonard Nimoy:
Beam me up, Scotty.

- Andy Warhol:
I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say "figment.”

- Scott with a y ‏@GrowingUpScotty:
I want my tombstone to say, "Died from not forwarding that email to 20 people in the next 5 minutes."

- Julius Sharpe ‏@juliussharpe:
Please write my tombstone in Comic Sans font.

- Dorothy Parker:
Excuse my dust.

- Franklin Pierce Adams:
Over my dead body!

- Randi Mayem @rmayemsinger:
The words on my tombstone will just correct the grammar on the tombstone next to me.

- Earthman Adam ‏@AdamOfEarth:
I imagine my headstone reading "Meanwhile, somewhere over there..."

Here lies Hinkmar, a crook
But savage greed aside
He did one noble thing
He died

Funny Tombstone Sayings
Group 8

Please like this tombstone on Facebook

I don’t have time for a haircut, let alone death

Hold my calls...

Thank God - No More Insomnia

It’s creepy down here

Wow, I never knew how many different kinds of worms there are

Headstone Humor
Group 9

Wait, don’t leave,
I’m about to do a card trick

You’re about to be slimed...

I may be down but not out

Don’t turn around. I’m watching

You can’t keep me down for long!

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